Your "Own" Children

Adoption Awareness Month (part 6)

**Don't forget about the PJ Party!!**

One of the things that most people may not know but is incredibly offensive (not to mention just rude) to an adoptive family is when people say something about your "own" children. I cannot tell you how many people have asked us if we ever wanted our "own" children or when we're going to have our "own" children. Some of you may not know but I am the oldest of nine children. I have had people ask me why I have had problems having my "own" children since my parents obviously did not.

This implication that somehow Riley is not our own is not only rude but is also ignorant. A child in an adoptive family belongs no less to his parents than one who happens to share his parents' DNA. When you say "own" children in contrasting someone's "adopted" children it makes it sound like the adopted children are just being borrowed or that they are not a permanent part of the family.

Usually when someone asks the questions about our "own" children what they are trying to understand is what led us to adoption and what our future plans are for growing our family. There are other ways to ask this then to bring the term "own children" into the discussion. By simply asking things like "what led you to adoption?" or "do you think you will adopt again?" you are showing an interest in an adoptive family's story in a sensitive way.