Adjusting

We are all adjusting...adjusting to being a family of four...adjusting to parenting two sweet kids...adjusting back to our time zone...adjusting to a new "normal" for all of us. Most of all, I am having to adjust my expectations that every adoption is the same as the next. I know in my mind this is not true...

With all adjustments there are hard things and sometimes things that are easier than you might expect.

Mary Kenzie seems to be adjusting very well into our family. She is a very laid back baby and seems very happy and content almost all of the time. She is very smiley and is a great eater. The biggest surprise of all has been her sleeping. She has been a great sleeper from the beginning. She slept great on the plane during what would have been her normal nighttime sleeping schedule. Her first two nights here at home she has woken up twice each night but after she drinks a bottle she goes right back to sleep.

We have the pack-n-play set up in our room...we had planned for her to sleep in there with us until she got comfortable...but the first night I put her in her crib in her room and she has done great in there and has had no problems sleeping in there.

When a child is adopted and they come home, all of the experts tell you to treat that child as though emotionally he were a newborn. So, his/her first day home with you they would be considered a one day old on an emotional level. No matter how old your child is, because they are starting all over with a new family, they start over emotionally. Just like parents would not allow a newborn to cry until they soothe themselves to sleep, we try to immediately meet Mary Kenzie's needs when she wakes up in the night so that she can learn to trust us and learn that we are her parents and we will take care of her.

All of this to say, that sometimes it is hard to be an informed adoptive parent. Don't get me wrong, I am SO glad for all that I have learned through reading and coursework and talking to other adoptive parents. But, it is hard sometimes to just relax and enjoy the moment without worrying about how our child(ren) are adjusting and coping with the losses that they have experienced.

Right now, Mary Kenzie is eating well, sleeping well, seems very happy and content, is giving great eye contact and in general seems like she is adjusting very, very well. But, it's hard because she really hasn't seemed to grieve like Riley grieved. Riley didn't grieve long but the first couple of nights were full of tears and heart-wrenching grief. Mary Kenzie hasn't had anything remotely like this. Instead, you would honestly think that she has been with us her entire life.

It is hard sometimes not to waver between being so thankful that her adjustment has so far been so easy and peaceful and feeling nervous because she hasn't had any sadness or grief over the loss of her foster family.

I know that it is really too early to say how Mary Kenzie's story will play out, but it has been interesting to see that just like parenting birth children is never exactly the same, parenting adopted children is never exactly the same either.

Both require love and wisdom from the Lord in knowing when to be cautious and aware so that needs can be met and hurts can be healed. And when to relax and just enjoy the simple and beautiful snuggle of a sweet baby who is content to lay her head on your shoulder and trust you to be the Mama that she needed...even if she never knew it.

(For the record, I do put my baby to sleep on her back but she always ends up on her tummy!)