More Details About Our Little Girl (Part 2)

Here is Part 1, if you haven't read it yet!

Michael is just about to leave work, so he tells me to forward him the referral file once I get it on my email. He is going to look at it, too, and print it out.

I get off the phone with Michael and refresh my email page a few times and then the emailed referral pops up! I open up the email and read about this precious baby girl. There are 3 sheets of information and then on the 4th page are 3 pictures. I see her picture and I am overwhelmed. What a beautiful and sweet looking baby girl with the cutest, chubby cheeks!

We're supposed to meet Beth and John (Michael's sister and brother-in-law) and their kids for dinner at $1 Taco Night! We meet over there and they can tell something is up, so we tell them what just happened and swear them to secrecy!

We go home and read through the info again and talk and talk and talk and then we forward all of the info to a doctor who offers pre-adoption consultations over the phone. The baby looks healthy from all of her medical info and it looks like she is progressing well. When adopting internationally, it's always a good idea to let a doctor who specializes in international adoption assessments look at the file to make sure you aren't missing anything and just for peace of mind.

We go to bed and try to sleep....I had such a hard time because I was so excited and anxious and nervous and just wanted everything to work out. And, I was already falling in love with her.

The next morning at 8:01 I call the doctor's office and talk to his nurse. She tells me that he is going to be out of the office until the afternoon but maybe he will be able to look at it and conference with us at 4:30. The nurse tells me that she will call me back as soon as he comes into the office.

The day d r a g s by. It is one of the longest days of my life! I look at "her" picture every 10 minutes...I am not exaggerating. Every second that goes by I am falling more and more in love with the sweet baby girl I see in the picture and all I can think about is how heartbreaking it is going to be for me if she ends up having more needs than our family can care for.

You see, we have gone through the heartbreak of a miscarriage before and it is devastating. And, then back in October we were given a file of a baby with severe needs that didn't match what we had said we were open to and after consulting with a doctor we had to say "no." It was another heartbreak. So, all I can think is that I do not want to lose this baby girl who has already captured my heart.

Finally, around 2:30pm I can feel the opportunity to talk to the doctor just slipping away and I call his office back. The receptionist is transferring me to his nurse when "miraculously" the nurse beeps in on another line. I answer and the nurse tells me that he has too much going on today to talk to us and he will be off on Monday, so he would like to set up a phone conference for Tuesday morning. I told the nurse that we can't wait that long so we will try to find someone else.

I get off the phone and I am sooooooooo disappointed that now it looks like we will not be able to talk to a doctor until probably Monday. Laurie, one of my friends I've met through my Korean adoption message boards, tells me about a wonderful doctor in Michigan who specializes in pre-adoption assessments and is very quick in getting back in touch. I have heard of this doctor a lot before...a lot of the families I know online use her when they adopt. I also know that she can be very worst case scenario. But, I am desperate just to talk to someone, so I send her all of the info and then call her to tell her that I've just sent her a referral to look at. She says "ok" and that she will be in touch.

Again, I am so bummed because I don't like the abstract answer of "I'll be in touch." At this point I want to know WHEN she will be in touch...Can I expect a phone call back today, tomorrow, or Monday?

That night we go to celebrate my sister Susannah's birthday with my family and one of her friend's and her friend's family. It was a fun evening. I was able to eat (which I really hadn't been able to do all day) and we had a fun time being together. We didn't say one word to my family because I really wanted to wait until we talked to a doctor and we knew one way or the other what was going to happen. I was, of course, hoping that everything would turn out great and then we could completely surprise them with wonderful news!

Michael coaches our church's high school basketball team, so he had to head out a little early for one of their games. I left my parents around 9:15 and both Michael and I got home about the same time...around 9:45pm. Of course, as soon as he walks in the door, I launch into a conversation about the baby. I know that he is making the wise decision in not saying "yes" or "no" until we talk to a doctor but I just want to say "yes" so badly. I am so frustrated that we haven't been able to talk to a doctor yet and I am sad because I just know that we won't hear anything or be able to make a decision until after the weekend is over.

Just then at 10PM our phone rings. I know it's probably one of our parents because who else would call that late. I go into the kitchen and look at the caller id and it is THE DOCTOR!!!!!!