Blue

I know that there are a lot worse things going on in life right now for other people than us not having Mary Kenzie home yet. I know that there are families in the midst of adoption processes who would give a lot to just know who their babies are. I know that God hasn't forgotten me, and I know that His timing is perfect.

BUT, I just want her home. I just want to scream sometimes about how unnatural this is to be separated by a 13 hour time difference from my baby. I just want to cry sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) about how sad I am as each day goes by and she's not home. I also just want to cry because after next Sunday, we will have managed to miss every single "first holiday" of Mary Kenzie's first year--Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and finally Easter.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with feelings of how I am going to make it through another potential month plus of waiting. Sometimes I just go and sit in her nursery and dream about the day when I can finally rock my sweet baby girl. Other times I have to pretend that there isn't a nursery in our house, oozing pink and polka dots and hairbows, because the thought that I am missing another day without my baby home is just too much for me to stand.

We are just on the brink of the earliest time frame we were quoted for expecting our travel call...so nothing bad has happened; we were never given any expectations that we would be traveling to bring her home before this time. It's just that we have now known about Mary Kenzie for 80 days; we have been in this adoption process now for 22 months; and all of my life I have dreamed about having a daughter...so it truly feels like we've been waiting for almost forever.