Infertility and Adoption

In response to a question about infertility and adoption, I thought I would share a little bit more about our struggle with infertility.

For many people, they are given a diagnosis of their infertility but for a lot of us our infertility is "unexplained." We have pretty much had every test, exam, procedure, etc... to find out why we were having problems getting pregnant but no one has been able to find anything wrong/abnormal with us. And, we have been to general ob/gyns as well as reproductive endocrinologists.

We did get pregnant once and lost that baby very early on. After that we thought it would just be a matter of time before we were able to conceive again, but that has been over 4 years ago. (Wow--I hadn't thought about how long ago that was until I just typed it...so much has happened in 4 years.)

I had always wanted to adopt...when Michael and I were dating and before we were engaged we both remember me asking him if he would be open to adopting one day. He said he was open to it, but at that time he honestly never thought much about it.

After trying on our own and then later when our fertility meds and procedures weren't working, we really felt strongly "why are we continuing this when we ultimately just want to be parents and there are children who need us?" This isn't to say that once we decided to adopt that we have never felt sad about our infertility--there are definitely days, definitely moments where we have to recognize the loss of being able to conceive and carry a baby. BUT, those days and moments are fewer and far between.

For us, the bottom line came down to our desire. Our desire was to be parents. More than anything else we just wanted to be Mom and Dad. Our ultimate desire was not to have a labor story; our ultimate desire was not to have little replicas of ourselves running around; our ultimate desire was not to pass on our genes. All of those would be great, but it came down to our ultimate desire of being parents.

Becoming parents has been the fulfillment of our dreams...we don't in ANY way feel "slighted" or "less parents" because we became parents through adoption rather than through giving birth. Grieving for the child you never birthed or the loss of the dream that one day you will birth children is a process. I think it is very rare that a couple would never (even if in a very small way) feel sadness or grief that those dreams haven't come true and probably won't come true. But, I also know that that pain, grief, and sadness are not experienced as intensely forever. Time and more than time, Jesus, can take those places in our lives and turn those places of mourning into JOY!

(If you are struggling with infertility, I would love to talk to you! I certainly do not have all of the answers, but I do understand, and would love to encourage you in any way that I can. Also, if you are thinking about adopting or know someone who is, I would love to help you, too, in any way that I can. Drop me an email at: erin0302@hotmail.com)